AFFECTIVE LIVING

Connection before content. It’s a phrase I had heard dozens of times in education without really grasping its significance. It was a phrase like a bouncing balloon — it would bop into conversation, I’d acknowledge it (Yup, connection is important), and then I’d let it float again. A concept without substance.

But then a conversation with “T”, a student who blew up at me in class, made me grasp that balloon and really hold it. Process it. See that it wasn’t a hollow, airy concept but more of a bag of cement that would help me solidify learning in my class for over a decade to come. 

If you’ve heard me talk about stress and emotional hijacking, you’ve heard me describe the story of T— a student who I brushed off as an “over-reactor” before realizing the extent of his life stress. He was a kid being plagued daily by racial prejudice in our school halls. On top of the taunting and prejudice he faced, he didn’t feel smart. He could barely read. And, he felt the only way he could make it somewhere in life was on a sports scholarship (my class being the one class keeping him ineligible to play football). His blow up in class wasn’t an overreaction — it was an overt reveal. 

People don’t overreact. They react with the skills they can access. 

T was emotionally hijacked: His stress levels had reached a point where his frontal lobe was inhibited. He wasn’t able to be calm, cool, and collected because his mind was aflame with anxiety and anger. 

It’s an experience we’ve all had. We get in a heated argument and find ourselves at a loss for words (only for logic to slowly catch up a week later as we think, Ugh! I know what I should have said in that argument). We’re late to work and have a blip of illogical road rage. Our last class stressed us out so much that we’re still holding anger toward our next class — even though entirely different humans are sitting in front of us. 

We can nerd out on the science of all this another time. For now I want to skip ahead a few chapters — sharing what happened after T flipped out. After I pulled him aside in class and asked what caused his behavior. After I finally woke up to the deep importance of connection before content. 

In short, I realized that, while I can’t control the stress levels students bring into my classroom, I can create an opening experience that reduces that stress. If I don’t create that space, all my lesson planning and academic rigor is meaningless — there’s no room for logic when emotions are high. In other words, I can lead with a safe, positive connection in order to create room for learning and applying my academic content. 

These strategies come in one of two flavors for me:

• Processors: Prompting students to apply language and labeling their thoughts and feelings in order to engage the frontal lobe.
• Positive Refreshers: Facilitating a positive emotion to trigger the release of dopamine or serotonin in order to reduce cortisol levels.

Processors

• Scale of 1/10

This was the main strategy I implemented nearly every day after my conversation with T. I knew from then on that I needed some way to quickly gauge my students’ emotional states. Most days, this sounds like:

On a scale of 1-10 how’s your day going so far? Hold up on your hands.

Sometimes I direct students to process further: Check in with a neighbor, what’s one thing that can help you boost that number by one this hour?

I use this scale to take inventory. I often, though, model my emotional processing. For example, I’ll let students know if I’m having a rough day, which might sound like:

Just so y’all know, I’m at like a 3/10 right now. My daughter didn’t sleep a wink last night so I’m exhausted. I’m doing my best to re-frame and be patient today — but just know I’m going to need your help a little bit more today.

• Thumbmometer

A more general version of Scale 1-10 can be a “thumbmometer” where students show on their thumbs how they are feeling. This can be helpful for younger learners who haven’t conceptualized number scales yet. Other variations can be nonverbal images (angry faces, happy faces, etc.) that students point to at a desk or wall. I’ve seen many teachers use a Google Form or digital survey as well to collect info anonymously.

• Journal prompts

Journal prompts can be another way to process. Periodically, I ask students this question — which is one of the most informative and eye-opening prompts I ever give:

What do I need to know about your life in order to teach you better this week?

The creative potential of these prompts are endless, such as a 1-2-3:

What’s one thing your having a hard time with right now?

What are two things going well for you right now?

What are three things you’re looking forward to this week?

• Thought Noting

In mindfulness practices, “thought noting” is when we acknowledge a thought or emotion (without suppressing it) and then choose to let that thought move along. Rather than ruminate, we “realize then release.” Some variations involve seeing our thoughts drifting in like a cloud, then letting them float away. Or visualizing the thought like a train coming along on the track, then waving as it passes.

There are lots of variations to doing this, but in a classroom it can be a quick guided reflection. Here’s an overview of what thought/mental noting is like:

• Set asides

If your students don’t get down with mini-meditations, I’ve used a variation called “set asides” with students (and myself) to capture the essence of the concept and reduce rumination. It might sound like:

On your desk is a sticky note. I want you to acknowledge a thought that might get in the way of your learning today — maybe a worry or something coming up that’s on your mind. For example, ________. I want you to just write one word on the sticky note that symbolizes that worry or idea. Now, take that sticky note and place it under your desk where you can’t see it. Give your brain permission to set it aside for the next hour. We know those things are still there and we’ll have to deal with them — but for now let’s just give our mind a break from worrying about it for a bit.

Positive Refreshers

The other route to create Connection before Content is creating a positive experience — which can increase feelings of connectedness, joy, serenity, etc.

• Mood Boost Monday

Lead off your week with some intentional positive emotions. I’ve seen some teachers who kick off Mondays with a corny dad-joke. Or they show a funny or inspiring video. Or they simply tell a funny story from over the weekend.

• Shout outs

My favorite strategy for Mood Boost Monday is Shout Outs. On Monday, students come into class and grab one of three slips of paper:

Shout Out: Students write a positive affirmation for someone in class. These will be read out loud at the end of the hour (e.g. Shout out to Mikayla for her awesome solo at the Collage Concert last night)

Thank you for...: Students write a thank you note to someone in class. These are handed out privately.

Personal Praise: Students write a positive affirmation to someone in class. These are also handed out privately.

I review these before reading or handing them out to make sure they are appropriate. I also write some as a way to personally acknowledge kids.

• Good things/Gratitude

Gratitude practices are another great way to kick off a class. Sometimes teachers do whole-class versions like “Good Things” where students raise their hand to offer a good thing that happened to them recently (or they look forward to).

I’ve also collected dozens of gratitude variations over the years. Here’s a collection of 24 Variations of Gratitude

• Mini-games

Games can also be a great way to add energy and positive emotion at the beginning of class. Sometimes these can be just random (e.g. Rock-Paper-Scissors tournaments). Sometimes we can link them to other reflections:

Take a moment think about something good that happened to you in the last week. Now you’ll battle a neighbor in Rock-Paper-Scissors — If you lose you’ll share your good thing first. If you win you’ll share second.

Mini-games are also a great way to tie in review of class content. This way, students start off a class with a fun activity but also build efficacy as they reflect on previous learning and growth before adding in new content.

• Roaming Reflections

For classes that are particularly low energy (think: Monday morning, 1st period, or February), I use “Roaming Reflections” to give students a bit of energy, some processing time, and positive emotions rolled in one. First, I post various prompts on the walls throughout the learning space. These can be a mix of content review questions (Define ethos, logos, and pathos), reflection questions (What’s one goal you have this week?) and/or positive emotion prompts (Have a “laugh off” to see if you can make your partner laugh while keeping a straight face). I then group kids up (pairs, trios) and have them rotate to each prompt throughout the room.

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After that conversation with T — and after I started putting connection before content into deliberate practice — I noticed a change in my classroom culture — more focused energy, more psychological safety. But more than my observations, I started getting feedback from students who wrote notes saying:

Thank you for actually caring about me as a person.

I appreciate having 30 seconds to chat before we dive straight into class stuff. It helps my brain.

You should keep giving kids a chance to check-in before class starts. I feel way more focused in class after I do that.

I feel like you care about us as people and not just what our grades are.

These comments, to me, are the evidence of Connection before Content. Every educator cares about their content. But we don’t get into teaching just to talk content. We get into this work to help students make connections — with us, with each other, with the content.

Hopefully these ideas help you crank the dial up on your Connection before Content strategies. But I’d love to hear yours! Drop a comment below with your go-to strategies.